Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Will work for quarters.

My life is fraught with ridiculousness. Take yesterday for example all I needed was a few quarters for a meter. I need to get my marriage license in order to get my drivers license because I've changed my name six some odd years ago. I went to the ATM to remove a twenty, my bank only has a walk up ATM it does not have an actual location in this area.

  Thus begins my epic journey for quarters.

I have exactly one twenty dollar bill and two quarters in my wallet. I first approach a Rite Aid, I immediately turned around and walked out after seeing a line snaking towards the ice cream section twenty five people long. In the same shopping center was a hummus place,I figured I would buy a bottle of water so that I'm not going in there for no reason and ask for change, they didn't have any ,there went my last two quarters, but now I have ones and there's a laundromat next-door. I cruise in there with a dollar in hand oblivious to anyone around me and immediately get blocked by a guy in a dust mask.
 He's physically blocking the quarter machine!
 I halt when he starts to verbally assault me. He starts on a tirade asking if he needs to explain to me why I can't have his quarters. Confused and taken aback I exclaimed," but I do my laundry here every Sunday", as if that would allow him to let me make change. Flustered I whipped around and my  only retort was I'm never doing my fucking laundry here again. Asshole. 
So I decided to just drive to the courthouse and hope that they take cards. They do not,quarters only, two dollars an hour. Fuck me. I backed out of the spot I claimed and drive 4 miles in a huge circle and end up at another strip mall where there's a liquor store, a kebab place, and a Subway. I break a dollar into four quarters at each one because nobody has any goddamn quarters in this town.

 I returned to the courthouse and put an hour and a half in the meter and make it inside and stand and stand and stand and stand, I  finally got my marriage license and then left with two minutes left on the meter. My feet hurt (previously broken) it smelled there, and for some reason I was the only one standing in line alone. Do not bring a friend to these things.

The only reason I need my marriage license is so that I can get my drivers license, I need my drivers license so that I can get health insurance.  Every single thing that I need to do, every task that I need to accomplish has at least 10 hoops that I have to jump through first. So far my life here in California is absolutely exhausting. 

I'm gonna keep an eye on that laundromat and the next time I see if the  guy's  not there I'm going to take every single dollar I made from my shift the night before at work and take all of his quarters. Victory will be mine. Honestly I just want to poop in a dryer and turn it up high for hours of stinky tumble dry. 

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